The Maiden and the Manual
December 07, 2003
a postmodern fairy tale
Once upon a time there lived an old man and his beautiful daughter in a little house in the wood, and they were so poor that all the girl owned was an old book of fairy tales. And she read this book, day in, day out, until one day she saw her face reflected in a pond and noticed that she was a fair young maiden -- just like in the fairy tales!
So she decided to do what a fair young maiden must do -- go and find a prince who would marry her and live happily ever after. She bid her old father farewell and went out into the wide world to find a prince.
But since fair young maidens, especially those who lived in a little house in the woods all their lifes, can't walk very far, the castle of the prince couldn't be too far, either. So, after less than half a day of walking, she came to a turn in the road and there the castle was.
The girl knew what to do. She went straight up to the castle door and knocked, and when an ugly, wrinkled, humpbacked old servant opened the door and asked her who she was and what she wanted, she said: "I'm a fair young maiden, and I'd like to work in your kitchen as a drudge, but you must promise to hate me and make my life hard."
The ugly, wrinkled, humpbacked old servant grinned wickedly and said, "No problem, that can be arranged. We need a scullery maid anyway, so come in and get to work."
The girl did so, and she was given all the hardest and dirtiest tasks in the kitchen, but since she knew herself to be on the right way to marrying the prince, she did them with a smile on her lips and a spring in her step, and never complained. That made the other servants suspicious, and they said: "Sooner or later the prince is going to notice that a fair young maiden is doing drudge work in his kitchen and he's going to save her and make her princess -- better get rid of her now!"
So they sent the ugly, wrinkled, humpbacked, old servant to the queen, and he told her: "My Queen, down in the kitchen there's this scullery maid who claims that she can spin a room full of flax into the finest, thinnest, smoothest thread in only one night!"
The queen heard that with great delight since all her spinning women had run away, so she sent for the girl. "Is it true," she asked, "that you can spin a room full of flax into the finest, thinnest, smoothest thread in only one night?"
The girl had no idea how to spin, but she knew herself to be on the right way to marrying the prince, so she smiled and said; "Yes, my Queen, I can do that."
"Good," said the queen and led her to the room full of flax. "You spin all that before morning, but if the thread isn't as fine and thin and smooth as you say, you'll loose your head." Then she locked the girl in the room.
The girl looked at the spinning wheel, then at all the flax and tried to remember what to do, then it came to her: Fair young maidens, when faced with an impossible task, sat down and cried their eyes out. So she did, and her tears were flowing and flowing and making a sizable pool on the floor.
Suddenly there was a rapping on the door, and through the closed door a shriveled old woman entered and said: "Fair young maiden, why are you crying?"
The girl said: "The queen wants me to spin all this flax into the finest, thinnest, smoothest thread before morning, or she'll have me killed!"
The old woman looked at the flax. "That's an easy task for me," she said, "and I'll do it. But you must promise to call me 'aunt' on your happiest day."
The girl thought for a while whether calling the old woman 'aunt' could get her in trouble, but it seemed pretty safe, so she agreed. The old woman sat down to spin and the girl lay down to sleep, and when the queen unlocked the room in the morning, all the flax was spun into the finest, thinnest, smoothest thread.
The queen thought to herself, "This girl is useful. I'll keep an eye on her," and sent her back to the kitchen.
The other servants were quite unhappy to see that the girl still had her head and was smiling and singing more than before.
So, the ugly, wrinkled, humpbacked, old servant went to the queen again and said: "This girl! Now she has said that she can weave all the thread into the finest, whitest, softest cloth in only one night!"
The queen heard that with even greater delight, since good weavers are hard to come by, so she sent for the girl. "Is it true," she asked, "that you can weave all the thread into the finest, whitest, softest cloth in only one night?"
The girl had no idea how to waeve, but she knew herself to be on the right way to marrying the prince, so she smiled and said; "Yes, my Queen, I can do that."
"Good," said the queen and led her to the room full of thread. "You waeve all that before morning, but if the cloth isn't as fine and white and soft as you say, you'll loose your head." Then she locked the girl in the room.
The girl started crying again, quite confident. And before long, there was a rapping on the door, and another old woman entered and said: "Fair young maiden, why are you crying?"
The girl said: "The queen wants me to weave all the thread into the finest, whitest, softest cloth before morning, or she'll have me killed!"
The old woman looked at the thread. "That's an easy task for me," she said, "and I'll do it. But you must promise to call me 'aunt' on your happiest day."
I'll have two aunts then, the girl thought, and agreed, and when the the queen unlocked the room in the morning, all the thread was woven into the finest, whitest, softest cloth.
The queen thought to herself, "This girl could be a great gain for the familiy, besides, she's young and fair, and my son is still unmarried... I'll think that through," and sent her back to the kitchen.
Down there, the other servants were furious to see the girl still alive and carrying herself like a princess, so they sent the ugly, wrinkled, humpbacked, old servant up to the queen at once, where he said: "My queen, you wouldn't belive that scullery maid's pride! Now she has said, she can sew all the cloth into shirts before the morning!"
The girl was called again, confirmed that she could indeed do it and locked again in the room. Her crying reliably made a third old woman enter through the locked door, offering to sew the shirts if only the girl would call her 'aunt' on her happiest day. The girl agreed, and the shirts were sewn, the needle flew so fast that you could hardly see it.
The queen was extremely pleased in the morning and decided that the girl was a prize she'd never let get away. So she introduced the girl to her son, who, upon meeting a maiden so young and fair and skilled didn't have to be persuaded to marry her.
As soon as the ceremony was performed, the queen said to her daughter-in-law: "Now, you go to work tomorrow. I'd say, you spin on Mondays and Tuesdays, weave on Wednesdays and Thursdays, sew on Fridays and Saturdays, and I'm sure a woman as diligent as you will find something to do on Sundays, too."
But at that very moment there was a rapping at the door, and three ugly old woman entered: One had a nose so long she couldn't keep her head upright, the other had a hump so large her head was nearly down on the floor, and the third had eyes as large as saucers.
The fair young princess greeted them, one by one. "Welcome, aunt, I'm glad you could visit me on my happiest day."
Which each greeting the queen's face became longer and longer, and she said to the princess: "How can it be that these women are your aunts?"
The old woman with the long nose cackeled: "Oh, once I was as young and fair as my niece, here, but my husband made me spin day in, day out, until I got old and ugly!"
The old woman with the hump sighed: "Oh once I was as young and fair as my niece, here, but my husband made me weave day in, day out, until I got old and crooked!"
The old woman with the eyes as large as saucers winked: "Oh once I was as young and fair as my niece, here, but my husband made me sew day in, day out, until I got old and ugly!"
The prince had gotten paler and paler on hearing that, and when the last of the old women had spoken, he said to his wife: "My wife, as your husband I forbid you to ever touch a spinning wheel, a loom or a sewing needle again!"
And they all lived happily ever after.
Author's Notes & Documentation
This is fairly classical, except for the motiv of the girl doing things as she has learned them from a fairy tale book, and you can as easliy tell it without the 'modern' twist. But I found that this twists add a lot of suspense in telling as the audience waits for the other shoe to drop.
This tale was told to me by a friend over lunch.
Transcribed from memory by Ingeborg Thorulfsdottir.