No More Turmstadt's Archers
December 07, 2003
by Lord Wolfgang vom Bruch
Oh the times were calm and peaceful, our archers went to rest
Our bows were cob web covered and our arrows in the chest.
Our fighters all had left us, sailing off to foreign shores
Taking with them all their knowledge of the art of fighting wars
Our fighting spirit dwindled - for you don't have to be bright
Just to know that, without armour you can never learn to fight
So we called for the exchequer our coffers to untie
When he showed us what was in there we could just sit down and cry
So we went to see the bankers, oh we wanted not to wait
On the way we met our landlord who told that our rent was late
We tried everything from wire to the mats from an old trunk,
never got us any armour, just a heap of useless junk
But it seems that some old war-god say our efforts, shed a tear,
And by times and lives strange tidings a new marshall stranded here
And as soon as he recovered from the first shock of our sight
He said: I can get you armour and I'll show you how to fight
With a heart for undeveloped, and a master of his trade
And a wagonload of armour Rory Ryan passed our gate
Oh my lord, it's really fitting and it even looks quite fine
But that breastplate you are donning is the upper leg of mine
Please, my lady, stop the bashing, 'cause for mercy now he begs
And it's really not that stylish if you kick between his legs
Well, although this speedy movement will quite surely bring relief
Your opponent won't be happy with your shield between his teeth
No, I am not rhinohiding, I feel quite misunderstood
Just your blows are coming faster than I even can call 'good'
And it was just four weeks later when we heard with great delight:
We were awfully insulted - now we have someone to fight!
Turmstadt's force! to your weapons!
Show them f... northern b... we can fight!
Tunes (choose some):
The Carnival is over
Eine Seefahrt die ist lustig
Da oben am Berge
Clementine
Ode to Joy (An die Freude)
(...and possibly a lot more)